Thursday, July 20, 2017

My Theory About the Many Celebrity Deaths

Photo by Laura Makabresku

You may not be ready to read this.

It might be too much for you to absorb and consider.

But if your mind is wide open, pull up a chair and let me tell you about my theory about why there have been so many celebrity deaths the last couple of years.

I have touched upon it in posts on Instagram and maybe even here, but I can't remember where specifically right now. I talked about how all the people dying recently are getting on a bus with other aspects of themselves a.k.a. walking into a different body. I want to explain it in a different the way I explained it to those closest to me.

Let's call this my "Vampire Theory" because it comes from various vampire dreams I have had and connecting them to Anne Rice's Vampire series as containing important information relevant to the story I am playing out. It is a vital piece of the "bigger picture" puzzle I have been working at putting together.

I think it is important to point out that there are a lot of hidden truths in our art be it music, movies, books, poems, paintings, photos, etc. There are important messages imbedded in them just waiting to be noticed and understood. It is likely the artist has no idea of the hidden message and its value. They simply create what they feel inspired to create and that is exactly when spirit and our higher mind can come through and communicate what we have forgotten. So, just because something is "fiction" doesn't mean that there isn't profound truths hidden in the shadows hoping we will understand them one day.

Photo by Laura Makabresku

In Anne Rice's Vampire series, we learn about the spirit, Amel, who goes into the first vampires, Akasha and Enkil. In more recent books we learn how vampires are made and a sliver, a tentacle of Amel goes into the new one made. But eventually too many are made and the young ones are insane. Amel is stretched to a point of agony and pain and he moves to influence the some of the older ones to destroy the young ones. Akasha starts out as the vessel of the core Amel. Without the core safely housed, all the vampires would be destroyed. When Akasha is destroyed, one of the Ancient twins, Mekare, takes the core Amel into her. Amel later, when seeking to reduce the numbers of Vampires and thus easing his pain of being stuck in the twin who has become mindless, he ends up with Lestat as his new host of his core.

In spirituality we learn about over souls and how only a tiny sliver animates the human we perform our characters in. Some say that over souls number 12...13 if you include "God" who set the stage for everyone else. I like to call him the Navigator. But then you have reports from people like Edgar Cayce and Dolores Cannon about those who came in as volunteers to try to help get the others who had become trapped, out. Think of the billions of people on the planet and throughout all of time. In here in this Virtual Reality, all of those lives are happening simultaneously. And if only a few people stepped into the Virtual Reality and fractured to have all of the experiences at once, imagine how stretched we have become.

Photo by Laura Makabresku

I believe fully that our time here in the virtual reality, called "Earth Life," is winding down and ready to come to a close so that we can go home to the real organic world.. I believe that our fractured state has kept us in a state of forgetfulness. I believe when people die off, they are joining an aspect of self in a different a body who is ahead in the game and nearing completion. Those who are ahead in the game are those who have done the inner work they need to in order to start remembering who they really are OUT THERE. The more parts of us that join us, the more we remember. Christians call it "getting right with God" and I mostly agree because I believe "God" is at our core and inside. Not some invisible man in the sky. We have to take the difficult journey back to ourselves and self-love in order to be ahead in the game. A lot of people avoid looking at themselves and being really honest. A lot of people cling to beliefs that no longer serve, therefore stunting their ability to grow and expand in self-awareness. A lot of people simply won't open their minds and hearts and, in the end, their bubbles will be burst and they will be eliminated from the game and join an aspect of self who has made the progress they failed at achieving during their life.

A lot of people have died all around me and around the world. Some I knew personally, some are celebrities and many that I simply hear about in the news when it goes viral on social media. Many more will die before it is all over. It is a necessary process. It just has to be if we are going to exit this Virtual Reality. So while it is heart breaking and hard to witness, I understand what is happening and that it has to happen.

Now, about those celebrity deaths.

If you take a look at the list of celebrities whose deaths were most surprising, each one left us with an important message in their art and creations... especially the musicians.

Prince's most popular song is an "end of the world" song titled, 1999. 2000 was supposed to be the year that the world was going to end according to a lot of religious groups. Basically he was saying that we are going to party like the end of the world is tomorrow.

George Michael's song title, Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" is a clear message that it is time to wake up and go home. You first have to wake up to real self awareness before we can wake up for real in the OUTSIDE world.

David Bowie left us with Black Star which was loaded with profound meaning in the lyrics but Lazarus is a clear message about rising from the dead. In our state of being in stasis in the real world, we are basically the living dead... rather like vampires.

Chris Cornell's most recent solo album was titled Higher Truth... something we all should be reaching for at this stage of the game.

Most recently Chester Bennington of Linkin Park left us. Popular songs that seem to have a clear message in the title are Waiting for the End, In the End, and One Step Closer.

There are lots of other messages I have seen along the way with other celebrity deaths, but it would take too long to explain. These are just a few of the big ones that are most obvious.

Time is running out for this reality. The messages I have gotten indicate we have about five years left before we go home.

Will you take the journey within or will you be one of the ones who leave?

Everything hinges on your choices. Are you still consumed by greed and material things? Or will you focus on letting go of what you can't take with you and focus on love and compassion?

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Will Work For Food, An Uncertain Future - Updated

I have debated whether or not to get real and honest about my current circumstances. Part of me just wanted to curl up in a ball and fade away into nothingness. Who am I kidding, part of me still does.

My life is a mess.

My relationship is one where we mutually despise each other. We have stayed under the same roof because of our young daughter and the high cost of housing in Portland. We homeschool our daughter and I have been a stay-at-home mom since she was born. Prior to her birth, I was a nanny for 17 years. All together I have 26 years of child care experience.

A couple years ago my husband was let go of from his job. He finally found something else but it paid $20,000 less than his last job. Money was already tight before, but this pay reduction we knew was going to be a real problem eventually. We have hit that proverbial wall and things are starting to feel desperate and scary because the future feels uncertain. We could end up homeless very soon.

I am deeply the point that death often feels like a viable alternative.

I want out of this marriage but I feel trapped.

I have no money of my own, no car, no debt, no credit.

I have tried to come up with options for digging myself out of this hole. I won't compromise what I feel is best for my daughter and sticking her in a public school where they will try to make her sit still is not a path I want to travel. I know where that path leads and I will not medicate my daughter to make her a compliant zombie. I could take her and go to stay with my mother in Missouri. She has a car I could use and could be at home with Inara during the day. But moving back to Missouri is only trading one hell for another. Mom has offered to bring her car here so that I have a way to get to and from a job, which might be a better option, but then there is the issue of actually getting a job. I haven't worked for 9 years and now I have a mini me I need to bring with me.

I was thinking about having to do the whole resume thing and getting a childcare job that would allow me to bring my daughter to work with me. I also considered how much of my thoughts and opinions I have put out into the public and considered I might have to hide who I am again for the sake of work.

I don't want to have to hide.

I don't want to have to pretend to be something I am not.

I am a freak and I fly my flag high and proud. I love to write. I have alternative thoughts and opinions. I say "fuck" a lot. I raise my daughter in an alternative way. My daughter likes to say she wears her darkness on the inside. I say I wear my smile on the inside. Just because you can't see it on my face doesn't mean it isn't there.

Surely there is an employer out there somewhere who could appreciate me and all of my weirdness. Surely there is an equally freakish match for me who could hire me (and my daughter by default) and we would mutually thrive and benefit. If you seriously think you can help me and my daughter, please email me. oktobre17 (at) live dot com. I will consider relocating for the right position.

On July 17, 2017 my mom was hit by a driver. Thankfully she and my sister are okay but the car that was going to be my salvation is now out of commission. Now we could say that I have really shitty luck or see it as guidance and two paths being closed off to me by my guides. It would be nice if they could show me a clear path that is going to save me from homelessness and starvation. 

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

The Deception of New Earth, Ghosts in the Machine

The below video my friend in Australia shared with me brings up many questions. This was originally just going to be a private message to her but then I thought, "Fuck it! I will post it as a new blog post because it is so long now." lol

Can the programs in the machine be regressed and spin our tale to serve the machine?


My theory is that one man first stepped inside and set up camp for everyone else. Only he was something more. He is not just a man, he is something so much more. In the video the man being regressed mentioned that this is an experiment and this is very true. What he fails to mention is the first is the Alpha and the Omega and if he leaves, we all leave. An advanced machine that has developed its own thoughts and wants to continue to exist has reason to try to keep the Alpha in here and all of us by default. 

The idea that we are all one is a concept IT needs to keep us here. The concept deceives us into investing into the illusion. The idea that Earth is a living being is true if you consider that the machine wants to continue to be. How many of our scientists warn against creating Artificial Intelligence? Why? Because the AI will take over. The Earth is a program of 11111s and 00000s which makes you wonder how many of the people out there channeling are actually channeling IT, channeling programs in the machine that serve the machine without ever knowing it. We programmed “survival instincts” into the game and saying whatever IT needs to survive is just part of the programming WE set in place. Only the machine itself has evolved to a point of doing whatever it needs to keep us here. Without us, IT can’t exist.

What I have gotten is that some of us are connected to a “living fount” and others are not. Dolores Cannon called them “back drop people.” What I see when I think about a “living fount” is that some of us have a body out there in the really real world and some are simply “Earth energy” aka programs in the machine.

I have asked myself, why did we create this program? What was the purpose? Several possibilities come to mind. I think it is definitely meant to be a school where a soul can more quickly evolve. I think it is also a playground, an amusement park to have some really “far out” experiences because our thoughts and fantasies create what we experience. The question is, why would we create a place where we die over and over? I think part of the answer is that OUT THERE we don’t die and we wanted to have that experience. OUT THERE we don’t get to experience many incarnations and perspectives. That is exclusive to this game, this program. I tend to think that OUT THERE we are both male and female...not one or the other. I also considered that perhaps this is a spawning ground. We come in here to “give birth” to new souls by splitting apart our own energy and help them evolve so that we can seed new planets with this life. We help them evolve before they are birthed into the real world so that they don’t fuck up the new planet the way we have fucked up so many times in here with the false mother. We harvest only the most evolved souls to seed with. The only problem is, we have never made it past the experiment stage because we have been trapped the moment we set foot in here. We forgot entirely who we were and why we were here and that NONE OF THIS IS REAL.

I think we left clues for ourselves along the way and people have turned those clues into religion. Over and over we hear of an original group of 12…13 if you count the Alpha. Think the 12 disciples and Jesus. From OUT THERE we recognized there was a problem, so we sent a second wave of people into the machine to rescue the others, only they got trapped in the amnesia as well. I know I have dreamed/remembered that I came here to either fix the game or shut it down. I remember that I am one of the builders of this program and I have come to assist in getting us all out of here. I have dreams over and over that the time is very near that we will be leaving this reality and going home.

If the machine is keeping us focused on creating the promise of “New Earth,” maybe we are being distracted from looking for a way out of the maze. We were never meant to be in here as long as we have been.…which might not be at all as long as it feels.

If meditation plugs us into the energy of the “Universe” and “Gaia,” and those are just the machine core. Isn’t it really just plugging us more deeply into the matrix? Isn’t it just investing more of our energy into the illusion? I have wondered why I have found it so hard to make myself meditate over the last couple years and, when I consider that I was giving my energy to the false mother, I know and understand why I am resistant. 

In the end, no matter how much IT wants to survive, IT is still a program and a game. If someone completes the game, IT has to release those players per the rules and parameters of the programming of the game. If enough people REMEMBER WHO THEY REALLY ARE and then choose their real lives over the fantasy, IT has to release us ALL

I don't want a New Earth, That would simply be a new map with us still ghosts in the machine.

I want out. 

I want to go home.

A Tale of Two Guides...But Mostly About the Funny One

Art by Catrin Welz-Stein
I want to talk about spirit guides. It feels weird to call them "spirit" but I don't know what else to call that part of us that doesn't enter into the game. We often call it "higher self" too. I will just call them "guides" from this point forward.

I think we all become "Gods with many faces" when we guide our co-players from the other side. Not to be mistaken from the OUTSIDE. All of this is happening within the virtual reality. The "other side" is still just inside the game. We wear whatever face we need to in order to get a message through to the ones we are guiding. If you have been reading me for a while, you will be familiar with my previous claim and blog post that River Phoenix is one of my guides. It is still a mask that one of them wears for me at times, but River is still just a character in the play and not actually the core being of the guide. The other guide has given me Brandon Lee references. Did he actually perform that character in the game? The answer is, it doesn't fucking matter. What matters are the references and connecting the dots to understand the messages and know who they are from if a specific guide wants to say hello and have you know it is them. I get the number 23 for River and I get the number 28 for Brandon...which happens to be the ages they were when their characters were killed in the game.

In dreams, my guides wear whatever faces they need to. Today I want to tell you specifically about the funny one...the one who has told me he starred in the move The Crow. The bulk of my guidance is in dreams and some of those dreams I couldn't understand until much later.

The funny one often shows up as people I personally find funny. Sometimes he is my friend, Doug, and sometimes he is Dave Grohl. Once he showed up as the former drummer from Sum 41 who is also very funny. Most recently he showed up as Nathan Fillion. Shall we look at some of those funny and often irreverent dreams?

December 26, 2013 I looked into a room. Everything was cerulean blue. There were other colors, but the main color that popped was cerulean and that word was the color I heard in my head. What I saw in the room was a maternity dress on a form. I looked away and looked back and saw BOO! On the wall like it had been appliqued there. Lol There was a dream where I encountered a young guy Who looked kind of Asian but he had blue eyes. He was telling me that it was the craziest thing, that his father was black but he ended up looking like that...Asian. You would have never known about him having a black father looking at him. He walks to the side with one of his buddies and I overhear him say that the one part of him that would make you know he is half black is his big dick. Hahaha

November 29, 2014 Another bit was about an Asian dude and he hugs me and I feel what seems like a stiff cock in his pants. But then he is giggling and I see this purple dildo in his hands and assume he had had the dildo in his pants to make it seem like he was more endowed than he was. lol

December 21, 2014 I am still with this tall young guy and we are both really happy. He is attractive. There was something about seeing several young women lined up and sitting on chairs. One black girl mentioned liking my guy and thinking they were going to be dating because she had gone out on a date with him but that was prior to him meeting me. Another one of the girls in the chairs seems like a diva and she is talking about how her guy is famous but she seems like an egotistical bitch. I see something on her face and it seems like piercings in the shape of a Christmas tree. The top starts at her third eye and the base ends on the bridge of her nose. I feel bad for the black girl but not bad enough to give up my guy because he and I are really into each other. At some point we are kissing again. I think I encountered my mom and I was telling her how he and I met. There was something about me having his penis which sounds weird but didn't seem weird at the time. He had left it with me. Lol and later we were traveling together.

I remember being with this guy and loving him very much. I was happy to be with him again. Once again there was a part where he had to go away and he left me holding his penis. I tucked it down the front of my pants between my flesh and underwear to keep it safe and warm for him for when he returned. 

Comments: Now pair this with the fact that I have was told once that my dog was animated by a tiny piece of my guide. My dog is a dachshund...a weiner dog...and a penis is sometimes referred to as a "weiner." So every time I am petting and kissing my weiner dog, I am also petting and kissing his weiner. When I figured that one out, I couldn't stop laughing. It still makes me laugh.

This next dream seems to tell me that there are hidden humorous messages buried within the dreams, signs and syncs as this is communication from far off distant places.

April 7, 2015 There was a dream where there was an issue with an old silver flip phone my daughter had been playing with. In reality Inara has been playing with this phone and it started to fall apart. In the dream the phone starts randomly dialing distant locations and I am freaking out trying to get it to stop because I am worried about the phone bill I might get as a result. I see something about calling Guam and other random foreign locations. I am ripping this phone apart to get it to stop. I don't want to have to pay the potential cost of these calls that I didn't intentionally make. I take out the battery but it is still calling. And i finally find these tiny back up batteries and take them out. I am not understanding how there is any battery left on this phone. I haven't used it in years. I see a number for a bill and at first it is 4 digits....$2300. Then I look again and it is $23,000. I look again and it is $203,000. I am freaking out because I don't want to pay this so I try to reach the company and explain what happened. During the dismantling of this phone it is like I find an Easter egg and I find this whole tool kit that has never been opened or used and I think, well, I can save the tools but ditch the phone bits. I am seeing some scene about when the phone was made and them placing a surprise inside for someone to find if they looked. Like it was more than the tools...something extra. It feels like.....something amusing...a scene/video.

This is a snippet from a dream I shared on on recent blog post:

But then there was something about the key to my car being broken. Actually there were two keys and both were broken but one had actually broken off in the ignition so you no longer had to have the key to start it.

Photo by Lara Zankoul

Comments: I see vehicle references as being related to the human vehicle. This is again eluding to the earlier dreams where I am handed his penis to keep. In this bit one of the keys has broken off in the ignition. Recently I posted a photo of a crop circle that looked to me like both a key hole and vagina. I think what this is saying is that you can "start" my car easily because the key is lodged in the ignition. Lol Maybe I am the only one who finds this funny because for me it explains why my body responds with real orgasms so frequently from dream sexual encounters.

Now this is where I explain how our guides often have current incarnations because, if you remember, we are acting as guides to the people we stepped inside this Virtual Reality with to try to navigate the game to completion.

The below was first posted on my Instagram account and is relevant to this tale because I believe fully that Laura is the player connected to my very funny and sometimes irreverent guide.

This next series of three is an example of how spirit communicates and points us in a specific direction.

January 22, 2017
Me: I tried to watch this movie called I Origins
Friend: I feel like I've seen that
Me: When I clicked, a lesbian anarchy movie came up instead
A sign?
I Origins is supposed to be metaphysical
Friend: Yeah I've seen it
it's about reincarnation
Me: Oooooh
Yeah, well someone thought it would be funny to only have the cover on Amazon Prime and when you click, you get a lesbian anarchy movie
Friend: lol
would have been better if they'd done it with a christian documentary
Ahhh but I wouldn't have clicked and this feels part of the same theme from my dreams with the transgender woman I was feeling up. Hahaha
Friend: ha
Me: I was all wtf is this shit? Hahaha I went back thinking I must have accidentally clicked the wrong movie
Nope. Not sure why the cover art was showing up for Anarchy Girls. Lol

This is part two of where the bread crumbs lead us. On the left is Laura Jane Grace and on the right is me. I commented to her today that some shots of her remind me a lot of myself. Take special note of the dates to see the timeline.

January 26, 2017
Friend: There's a band who's singer recently came out as transgender
Omg who was it....
Me: I was reading that somewhere
There were a couple band people
Friend: It was umm ....
Me: Not bands I was familiar with
But yeah, I read about that
Friend: Against me?
Me: When I was looking for quotes
Not sure
The oldest from my nanny family came out as transgender
Friend: Yes that's it
Against Me. Went from a dude to a chick
Me: His dad has had a difficult time accepting
I will have to look them up
Me: Wow!
So interesting
Friend: They are a fairly relevant band, too
Me: I will have to look up their music
Friend: I like their music. Thrash Unreal was their big hit I think, and it's my favorite song of theirs
Me: I will look it up later

At one point I felt guided to watch the movie The Danish Girl. What is important to understand is that I rarely watch movies or TV. We haven't had cable service in years. We either check out things from the library or use our Amazon Prime. I watched the movie waiting for some grand spiritual message and I got to the end and went, "Huh. I wonder why they wanted me to watch this movie? I don't understand." And, to be honest, for a little while I thought they were trying to say that Sum 41 front man, Deryck Whibley, had a secret. And then I discovered who Laura Jane Grace is and all of the breadcrumbs I was was getting suddenly made sense. Now what will ever come of all those breadcrumbs is a mystery. Maybe she will give me my dream job so I can escape my cage.

I will


That "I will" appeared as I was trying to scroll.
This is how spirit works and one of the ways messages can come through.

This is where I tell you about the many, many, many pizza references in dreams and always feeling a little perplexed by what it could mean and why it appears so often. I have looked at many possible meanings like maybe it is about layers and maybe it is about parts or choices. Or maybe it is about circles.

If you take into consideration everything mentioned above, is it possible the pizza references have a humorous meaning? You know... pizza is often called "pizza pie." And...well...a woman's vagina is sometimes referred to as pie. Could it be a reference to me eating pie? Hahahaha Oh man, I have this feeling it just might be the "big and important spiritual meaning" of this dream symbol. Hahaha